Although I realize even starting a sentence with "as clique as it sounds" is a clique in itself, I still must do so. I've been understanding and experimenting with my "sexuality" so much in the last year. Which is almost funny to say as a woman who predominantly dates other women. As if I've already "experimented" from the norm of heterosexual sexuality. But honestly, I feel equally as judged to come out as anything other than a lesbian now than I did coming out as a lesbian at 19. It's an odd conjunction of judgement that continues to construe my true understanding of self. I suppose it may be a never ending journey, but I have decided as of late that I cannot be gay. Or lesbian. Or whatever the term may be. I enjoy having sex with men, and women. I'm not gay, I'm not a lesbian, I'm not straight. Does it honestly matter who I am? Will anyone read this and care of a mundane attempt of self-identity? I doubt it. All I can say today is, I'm changing. I feel like I am always changing, and am getting the chance to embrace change more. I love questioning knowledge and creating a broader understanding.
Edith Piaf, Paris, 1930s by Brassai
July 28th, 2016: Lady Gaga performing at the Democratic National Convention in Camden, New Jersey
This album solidified my admiration for the woman who created a realm of emotions that I didn't realize I had. Happy fifth birthday, Born This Way.
I've been disgusted by my body lately. I've been constantly putting my feelings towards my weight gain to the side, and tried not to deal with it. I weighed myself today for the first time in months, and now weight 170. That's the biggest I've ever been in my life. I was at 142.3 in March 2014. That's now my goal weight. This shift is not just better for my self esteem, but for my health physically and mentally. I'm so much more positive and happy when my body weight is under control. I know I can get back to where I felt happy again, I just need to apply myself and not give up.
Moving to LA in less than a week
I'm so fucking stoked to start fresh and have so many new opportunities. Also to get Jameson back, that's the most important tbh.
Fuck
Constance and Norma Talmadge with Mabel Normand, 1920s
Nostalgia
The oddest and most compelling feeling. I know that there are aspects of my life that I'm very happy to have moved on from, yet find myself in moments of missing it. Nostalgia sucks. I want to be immune.
I’ll always love you. You raised me, you taught me to love myself and leave no questions unasked. I’ve never felt as strong as you made me feel, I’ve never felt as low as you’ve made me realize. I’ll support you forever. Thanks for being yourself. Happy 7th year together
when he white but not a piece of shit
My dude
Babe, I wanna be you.
Nothing in the whole world has ever made me happier than this little shit. True, unconditional love for him.
Feeling disconnected from my Old Hollywood life. Making the effort to get back into it.